I have no legs, well arms, hands, or feet for that matter. Now obviously this is not characterizing me, but now a client I have seen twice. I decided after our first appointment that I wouldn’t write about him, but the damage to my mental psyche has been so severe, that I feel maybe this will release some of it. If not, oh well, til I see him again…..lol
So how does a person, basically a torso and a head get to see a hooker? For this 40 year old married man, EASY. He also plants bulbs in his garden at home, and does work around the house. He drives hisself….I imagine a handicapped van, just never follow clients out to see their cars. I’m not a tag writer, or bookkeeper. So he gets in, and aims his wheelchair next to the bed, and flops face first down. I am just trying to act KINDOF like I don’t notice, or that his lack of extremities doesn’t bother me one bit. Do I ask about it? Nooooo, I will later though! Well I did, he was born this way. Benefit of seeing him, he not Mr. Handsy! Downfall whew – I don’t think he can bathe properly, and I must then assume his wife does not assist because he sure is odiferous. That’s not the weirdest, just imagine the picture. So I’m saving details, but it was beyond bizarre.
So I’ve decided that this blog shouldn’t be so incredibly descriptive. Some people would LOVE to read the details of a call girls life. But maybe spared the super dirty details. Now this is my blog, my release, and my therapy. So I will try to not be as dirty with my wording, as God would not like that. But then how dare I bring His name into my smut blog anyway.
So I’ve decided that after doing this job for 14 years now I am physically drained of it. I remember the days when I could get to the hotel, be bright eyed, and bushy tailed ready to take on my day. Not excited about it at all, but able to do it. No one will ever be ready to give themselves away to a stranger. It never gets easier to take your clothes off in front of someone the first time. The average person does it in front of maybe 20 people a lifetime. I do it in front of 20 people a month. As previously stated it doesn’t get easier. For whatever reason it gets harder! Much harder! Why? Am I more self conscious now? Am I more aware of myself, my life, and my responsibilities that I take it more serious? I really have no idea why I shake violently before new clients, almost to the point of nausea.
So now my body is just shutting down, my energy level is gone. My body says at the ripe ol age of 32, “You are no longer able to do this if you want to retain any of your sanity.” I think just the mental disgust drains me now. I definitely over analyze things A LOT more now then I EVER did years ago in the business. While I’m doing certain things, I think to myself – How did I get here? What am I doing? Why is this the life picked out for me? The rare times when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, mid act, I am just disgusted, and mostly DISSAPPOINTED! I’m smart, pretty, and can manipulate with the best of them, only difference is my intentions are good. I deserve to work in a lovely office building, with a mean boss who demands hotter coffee, has a hot secretary, and please let me have the caddy coworkers. My heart loves, it is kind, warm, and soft. I’m not sure how much longer it will stay that way if I have to give a piece of it away everyday. 😦
The life of an escort, is so much more difficult than you can imagine. Some girls envy this job. They would gladly drop their drawers for 100 bucks for 20 minutes. The smart girls know that this job is worse than ANY job out there, BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS! I’d personally rather dig ditches for 12 hours a day in Death Valley, CA. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking, give this whore one day with a shovel and she would quit so fast our heads would spin. Am I right? Lol….knew it! Digging ditches wouldn’t rob me of myself, my soul, and my dignity. It wouldn’t rob my children of an honest working mom, who didn’t have to lie about how the bills were paid. Least importantly, it WOULD make me a contributing member of society. Now I definitely keep boosting the economy. I don’t save, I spend. That being said, it would feel so much better to make an honest living, pay taxes, and even get a refund!!! 🙂
What else sucks about not having a “regular” job? I have to sit and worry if I’m going to make enough/any money on a given day. Now I RARELY have days where I don’t make a dollar, but there are days where I need to make several hundreds of dollars, and do it. And then there are days I sit on pins and needles just waiting for someone to schedule an appointment. You know at the end of the week you will recieve a paycheck for x amount of dollars. I on the other hand, have NO clue if I will make what I need to make per week….That aspect REALLY sucks!!!
There is a dark place, where only the brave can wander,
After you arrive there, you’re soul needs constant launder.
This dark place is filled with men, and the devils dreams,
There is NO light, no hope, and no pretty white beams.
This place is not HELL, But as close on earth as it could be,
There is no end in sight, I guess this is the life for me.
I close my eyes at night, and try to hide the pain,
Nothing makes it go away, I am way past insane.
I give my body, soul, and spirit away just to make a buck,
Is all I am worth in this world, just an AMAZING fuck?
I have a family that I support, love, and need,
But they will never be proud of a whore that can’t succeed
I feel my insides ripping out more every day,
I have no voice, no one to talk too, nothing to say….
To be continued…..
So exactly how long does it take to lose your soul, yourself, your dignity, and your sanity in the business of giving your self away every day? I’d say 4 years. That may be different for others, but for me, that is when I started to see Men, people, and even Women in a new light. Now I don’t see women as clients, but I do see all of their husbands. That will DO something to a girl. Knowing that even the most attractive, rich men, with the GORGEOUS show piece wives, still want the, “No Strings Attached” girl like me.
I’m not even the prettiest of all girls in the biz. I’m average. Told I have a REALLY pretty face. I’m skinny, with no butt. I have broad shoulders because of my height. I have small breasts, 34 A to be exact, I am 5′ 9″ with small, almond shaped green eyes. When I smoke weed they get super tiny. My legs, and I guess my face are my best features. But I’m no model….
So why do your husbands come see me? I can’t answer those questions? Why are men’s sexual desires so insatiable? Why can’t even the most sexual of wives, keep their husbands from straying? Variety is the spice of life is what these men tell me. I offer these men more psychology, then I do anything else. I answer their questions honestly, I don’t bitch about things they have, or haven’t done. Ladies, I don’t know what it is…..But I feel for you! I thank you though too for giving your husbands space! Otherwise, I’d be poor!!! 😉
So if only things happened in life, as we all dreamed they would be as a child, life would be PERFECT…..or would it? What if we were all Doctors, Firemen, Police Officers, Lawyers, Astronauts, Veterinarians, Cowboys, or Princesses? Who would cut our grass, clean our homes, fix our cars, serve us that fine fast food we all love? Most importantly – who would satisfy our sexual needs on the down low? No one! So no matter how much we may despise our horrific jobs, that pay AMAZING. We are valued members of society.
Worth is not measured by occupation, it is measured by who you are. What is in your heart. What KINDOF person you are, and what contributions you make to your fellow neighbors.